Aggravated Step Mom Part I

First, if you are reading this, you are probably an aggravated step parent just like myself.  When you first meet that person who you feel you will spend forever with, you accept all of them, including any children that they may have.  What you may not know, are the issues that go along with that, and while they may not make a difference how you feel about your new partner, paramour, or spouse and their children, it will definitely make life stressful and difficult if you encounter the other parent as I have.  My now husband and I started dating when his daughter was two months old.  Of course, like any other person who has an ex, he started telling me about her, and I will admit, she didn't sound like a good person.  However, I am the type that gives the benefit of the doubt and for the sake of his daughter, I wasn't trying to rock the boat.  Things were okay for a whopping 2 months until his daughter kept coming to us every weekend/week with severe diaper rashes that we would get cleared up within the matter of a day.  Then it escalated to flea bites and finding fleas in her hair.  Immediately, he and I started getting CYS involved.  Their reaction "you could just be trying to get custody of your child so go through the custody process." This to me was absurd!! My tax dollars go towards their pay and my husband served his country and they had the nerve to say this?? Next thing we know, we were picking her up and the house was wreaking of marijuana. We called CYS again and they said that they wouldn't drug test her and that we had to show them physical proof.  I am not Sherlock Holmes and honestly at this point, she began getting quite nasty with me so I never stayed long.  My goal was to get there, pick up his daughter, and get out of there.  Next, his daughter had an upper respiratory infection followed by a severe bacterial infection which was in her eyes, on her face, and her ears.  Once again, CYS was called and all while he was filing for custody.  The first custody conference came around and he was advised to agree to only weekend visitation until he got more proof.  I'm not sure what more proof was needed if someone would've done their job.  At this point, I was dealing with this woman getting in my face and cursing at me while holding my step-daughter and normally I wouldn't allow anyone to treat me in such a manner, but I refused to sink to that level and especially to behave in such a crude manner in front of a child.  When this incident occurred, I said enough was enough and drove straight to the police station and they said that they would file a report and keep it on file but until she threatened me or I felt threatened, they could not press harassment charges. Let me clarify, there was more before that situation occurred that made it the last straw, but I'm not going to get into details.  Over the course of a few more months, this woman did everything she could to cause a rift in our life.  My grandmother was passing away and there was no way I was in any condition to drive as upset as I was and my husband asked kindly to forgo one weekend so he could drive me from PA to GA so I could see my grandmother before she passed. She REFUSED to let him forgo visitation and would not agree to let him take his daughter with us so I had no choice. I couldn't pull myself together enough to make that drive and my family was already down there. This enraged me that someone could be so inconsiderate that they would do such a thing.  However, when her mother fell ill and she needed help so she could care for her mother, she demanded our help. Let me just say, I have never, in my life, encountered a person such as this and thought they only existed in movies. I never thought that people this sinister existed and while this may sound harsh, when a woman calls your husband and says "I love you, talk to me." You finally have enough. I know she is thinking that she can push me to my breaking point but she is young, and I have many years of dealing with stress and touchy situations under my belt.  It will NOT happen.  At one point, it appeared that she was getting her life together and we were thrilled!! However, that quickly disappeared and she will say until she is blue in the face that it was due to her mother falling ill, but she quit school far before that.  Therefore, we knew is was back to a downhill slope.  We were documenting everything and when I mean everything, I mean down to the smallest conversations, kept voicemails, records of visitation, pictures, etc. Anything anyone told us, was documented, anyone that came forward with information, was documented. Messages sent through Myspace or Facebook were printed out.  Every last little thing.. Last year, my step-daughter came down with a MRSA Staph Infection and after talking to Doctors and what transpired at the hospitals, it was the last straw for my husband.  After she lied to the case worker, showed up high at the hospital, and tried to tell them that my husband was not allowed to take his daughter home, he felt that it was time to file for a modification of custody. CYS was called again while she was in the hospital and then again when we took her to the doctor for improper care when she was out of the hospital.  I even told them that they could come to our house at any time and look at it because she has her own room, own play room and our house is spotless. Low and behold, they did show up at our home and the gentleman who came here said, "I wish every house I went to look at, looked like this." I have no idea what happened when they went to her house but we did get harassing phone calls following this visit that same night.  That same night we contacted the police about the harassing phone calls and voicemail and they said "turn your phone off."  I'm wondering how much we have to endure of this before someone does something! So, the next day, CYS was called again because now, this was just getting out of hand.  Once again, they made us feel like we were under investigation more so than anything.  In October, they sat down at the modification conference, and of course, she got upset and flipped out during the conference to they were ordered to mediation.  My husband went to mediation on time (which he had to drive an hour and 30 min to get to) and when her day came, she re-scheduled.. twice (she has a 15 minute drive) then didn't show up twice so she had to go before the court. What did they do.. as always (as this has happened twice she has been in contempt) NOTHING! Shocker!! She has had 3 warrants out now for her arrest due to non-compliance between failing to pay child support for one child, one for domestic relations in the case with my husband, and one for the previous custody issue. All 3 times.. NOTHING was done! So, finally, after her delaying mediation from October to FEBRUARY, they went to their final mediation.. What happened?? Of course, she did NOT like what my husband was asking for or wanted (because she knows she will lose her child support.. trust me, everyone who has been involved with her, her oldest daughter's father and her step-mother included will all say the same thing) and flipped out on him in mediation.  I am so proud of my husband for keeping calm because she has put us through a living hell and instead of enjoying our new family, it has been stress for the last two years. So, of course, the next step... pre-trial.. (Now, in this time, I have drafted a nice long story and letter that I will submit to the media about the entire situation since it appears that no one wants to do anything, and yet.. people are trying to figure out why there is such a problem with youth and drugs but yet, allow people who are on drugs to care for children? Makes no sense and as soon as I figure out where I need to go with it, I will.) Anyhow, as soon as we got home that day.. I began calling attorneys.. I called 3 and made appointments.. met with one that Friday and he was very knowledgeable but man.. can I just say that retainer fees are a punch to the stomach? Anyhow, we were getting word that she was ticked off because apparently attorneys we were talking to wouldn't help her because we had to tell them about the case in order for them to decide to meet with us. Therefore, they couldn't help her because they already knew what we knew.  Not only that, apparently she was also speaking ill of my husband which is not a shocker.  At this point, we just want the attorney to handle it because while we now have probably 1/2 foot of proof, the stress is just too much to handle anymore.  We would love nothing more than to start our own family, but I refuse to bring a child into such a toxic situation.  For the last two years, she has said that we are only doing this because I can't have children and we just want her daughter.  Myself nor my husband ever told her that I couldn't have children and that is extremely false.  I don't think she wants to admit that my husband is doing it for the right reasons and that I actually do care deeply about their daughter. She also claims that he married me to hurt her and a lot of other craziness that to me, is indicative of someone who has some serious psychological issues since I have studied psychology.  I have always said that I will never treat a step child differently than I would treat my own and I haven't since day one.  All I know is while it has been a long road.. it is about to be a longer one but we are in it 100% and I support my husband in anything he has to do in order to ensure that she is safe and in an environment that will give her the best chance at a great life...  Please feel free to give your opinions, views, advice.. etc. Please know that if you are a step parent going through hell like me with another parent.. YOU'RE NOT ALONE!